Before writing this article, I received a message from a potential buyer for our store asking us if sex dolls were a good thing for him in the long term.
This is a tough question to answer and we are not the authority on moral dilemmas about sex dolls and whether or not it poses risks for you or society in the long-term.
But that got me thinking, are sex dolls good for us?
After doing some research, I concluded that in fact, there are more good reasons than bad reasons for the existence of sex dolls in our society. Although debatable and morally ambiguous, sex dolls do provide relief to some real people with real needs.
I’ve decided to structure this article by looking at both sides of the argument from the perspective of ethical dilemmas, effects on our society, and how individuals react to sex doll exposure.
I am also writing this article for the purpose of adult sex dolls, not child-like sex dolls which we do not condone here at Sex Doll Queen.
Sex Dolls Could Reinforce Negative Behavior
Sex dolls are inanimate objects and have no personality. Much like games, movies, guns, and other things, the person who uses them is the one that will define their relationship with the object.
Some people on the other hand, believe that sex dolls will reinforce existing negative behaviours that they posess. I did some serious research and found a few examples to debate:
Sex Dolls Can Create Unrealistic Expectations
Some people do believe that sex dolls have a negative effect on people, especially men. A research showed that men who seek out sex dolls for sexual gratification tend to lack empathy. It can be argued that a man who lacks empathy could create toxic expectations of relationships with women by using a doll. Sex with a doll is non-reciprocal, the user is always in control and his only worry is his own needs. If the person were to engage in sexual activity with a person, then their lack of empathy mixed with their expectations of sex could lead to bigger problems such as not being able to identify their partner’s needs, or even worse, not being able to tell when their partner is uncomfortable.
Another belief with sex dolls is that the men who use them love them because they are obedient. Obedience is a characteristic that men love because it makes them feel in control.
Researchers and the general community are afraid that if these men enter real relationships, they will have the same expectations of women. This can lead to abuse as the men have certain expectations of the women’s behavior and will engage in toxic actions to remain in control of the relationship.
It can be said, however, that most people are reasonable. As human beings we have the ability to understand and make conscious decisions about the world around us. As a sex doll user, we can easily distinguish between the two, even if we lack empathy. There is a huge difference between what happens with a doll in the privacy of our home and how we can treat another person. Human beings know the limits and those who don’t make up a small percentage of our population. In the US, only about 2.8% of people are under criminal supervision. Although this statistic is unrelated, it can provide a good idea of the proportion of people who decide to break the rules in our society, I do not believe this number would increase with sex doll use.
People with Sex Dolls Isolate Themselves from Society
Another popular argument against the use of sex dolls is the idea that the men who use them isolate themselves from society. Some people have social fears which can be due to several complex reasons. Some psychologists are afraid that owning a sex doll will further isolate the person and discourage them from seeking social relationships and finding a root cause for their problems. National Institute of Population and Social Security Research
Some theorists have even correlated the increase in male isolation (MGTOW) with the increase in prostitution, pornography, and sex toys available.
The problem with these theories however is that they are reductive and don’t approach the problem from a macro perspective instead focusing on the cause from a simplistic approach. It is true that access to sexual fantasies can serve as substitution for real sexual activities, but prostitution, strippers, and porn have been available for years (prostitution is the oldest profession) and the family unit has survived and thrived until today. There are many factors as to the increase in disfranchised men and why a lot more men are deciding to separate themselves from women.
Besides the growing sex industry, there is also the correlation with the increase in women in the workplace as well as online dating.
The feminist movement and equality are good things, but it does have its consequences. It gives women a stronger role in society and a lot of women are thought to have increasingly masculine qualities and to pursue male dominated fields. Society has pushed the role of women from a support role to a leading role. This has caused the relationship dynamics to change. Additionally, the issue of hyper-masculinity is being addressed in our society following the meetoo movement to protect women from a minority of men that engage in abusive behaviour. This has caused men to second guess themselves and protect themselves from potentially disastrous interactions. The issue of hyper-femininity, on the other hand, has not been addressed in our society. Meaning that although men must check themselves, women often get a free pass on their behavior towards men. That is because women are still seen as victims like their 60s counter-part, the weaker sex. That just isn’t true in our modern society where women hold increasingly more positions of power, attend university in dominant numbers, and enter the workforce in bigger quantities than men. It is fair to say that some men don’t want to deal with the increase in dominant women and want to engage in sexual activity with a sex doll instead. This is a very small minority of men as well and it shouldn’t be seen as a threat to women and relationships.
Additionally, the advent of online dating has caused new tensions for relationships and men. People can just find anyone at the click of a button. It has reduced the value of relationships in general. It is much harder today to find a committed partner who wants to make real compromises and build a long-term relationship. A lot of people both male and female have become more selfish which has caused many people on both sides to feel helpless towards the goal of a happily ever after. It isn’t abnormal for some of these disenfranchised people to turn to safe relationships with sex dolls who offer consistent, stress-free relationships.
Individuals Can Obtain Positive Benefits from A Sex Doll
A man from Japan bought a sex doll to overcome his loneliness. He did it because he says his wife stopped having sex with him and he felt lonely and rejected. The sex doll gave him a real reason to start living a full life again. He felt companionship and happiness. He felt less depressed and his overall perspective on life was more positive. His relationship with his wife deteriorated but it was already toxic to begin with. The sex doll had a real effect on his life and it was for the better.
Sex dolls are also beneficial for sexual and health reasons. Another man from Lagos known as Pretty Mike wrote:
“A lot of people describe her as a sex doll but to me she is more of a companion, comforter and someone that never disappoints” Instagram
To him, sex dolls are a relationship in which he can feel good about himself and not have to worry about the rollercoaster of negative emotions some relationships have.
Sex dolls are also safe for sex. A lot of people today engage in casual sex online and contract STI's. Sometimes, it’s better for people to practice abstinence until they find the right partner. So why not use a sex doll to satisfy your needs in the meantime. Instead of participating in the exchange of bacteria, people with sex dolls reduce the overall propagation in society.
Jessica Lexicus from Medium bought a sex doll and said ““Exploring my sexuality with a doll was probably more ethical than entangling someone in a relationship I didn’t intend to maintain. At the time, I just needed sex. No conversations. No date nights. Just an aesthetically pleasing body. Nothing else. No complications. The rest of me was focused on my PhD. My writing career. My second job. I didn’t have the emotional energy for a relationship.””.
This adds to my above point in which I say that sex dolls are a good object to use in between relationships so you can focus on yourself without the many complications of casual sex and relationships.
A partner can often be cruel, superficial, and mean. A sex doll on the other can provide safe relationships for people who deal with low self-esteem and social anxiety. It can be a great stepping stone to being comfortable with other people sharing your space and can slowly help you integrate society.
Another positive benefit that is often overlooked is that sex dolls can be used to replace lost partners. Sometimes getting over someone is very hard to do and having someone else to help you get over it can be a good thing. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to find a new partner as they wish, and a sex doll can be a good temporary alternative.
This also leads me to my next point, not everyone can sustain a long-term relationship. Some people just don’t have the patience or necessary skills to deal with a partner. If they cannot find someone to be happy with and find happiness with a sex doll, then why should we take it away from them. It is easy to judge someone like that if you have no trouble finding relationships, but there are too many people that have struggled their entire lives to find someone and a sex doll can finally be the thing that helps them feel loved. I’m a firm believer that everyone is deserving of love. The idea that there is somebody for everybody is a Disneyesque platitude and we need to stop propagating that idea in our society as it creates unrealistic expectations and pressure.
There Will Be No Effect on Society
I love what Jessica Lexicus from Medium wrote on the subject:
“So all this philosophical conversation about sex dolls and sexbots doesn’t matter that much. Porn hasn’t ruined our culture anymore than weed, alcohol, guns, or capitalism. Some men who buy sex dolls are misogynist. They only see women as sex objects, and that jives with their behaviors. But many men fully respect their female coworkers and value women’s contributions to society. They see women as equal. They just know that they’ll never have sex with Megan Fox. There’s nothing wrong with wanting sex with Megan Fox — only with comparing every other woman on the planet to her.”
It’s true to some degree. People have many reasons to buy sex dolls but most of them do it because it allows them to get somebody that isn’t usually accessible. The truth is, there are so many people pointing fingers at things in our society and what is going to be the destruction of it. People thought that nukes would be the end of society as we know it. People thought that legalization of weed was going to turn everyone into drug addicts. None of that happened. Sex dolls won’t change the way humans have interacted with each other forever either.
Conclusion
From an outside perspective, it is easy to judge a person who owns a sex doll and finds happiness and contentment in the relationship often isolating them from their partners. But at the end of the day, that person has increased his happiness meter, he feels better waking up in the morning and looks forward to coming home at night. Why does this make researchers and psychologists feel threatened for the future of society?
Most people will continue to engage in relationships and have children. If someone doesn’t want to be part of that is it any of their business?
There are no proven studies that show that a man who engages with a sex doll will then enter abusive relationships any more than a woman who uses a dildo will start emasculating their boyfriend. Life doesn’t work like that, there are more factors and there is no specific thing to blame when it comes to the degradation of relationships.
Let people enjoy their sex dolls, it’s a good thing.
